May 2022 | Lina Banytė-Surplienė
Have you ever felt frustrated that you child seems to want nothing? Or maybe worried that he or she is not hungry for success? Have you ever looked at your child and had a thought – is it normal that kids nowadays are so relaxed or should I do something about this?
Many of us grew up in the environment when we did not have enough. Therefore, many of us want our kids to experience that wonderful life which we did not have a chance to experience. Unfortunately, we usually do that by buying a lot of stuff – and oftentimes – even before our kids realize that they want it.
Teaching your kid to swim at the age of 5 and to ski at the age of 6 is the example of such parents‘ behavior. Other examples – we want our kid to be computer literate, so we buy a brand new computer. We want our kid to be educated, so we spend a pile of money on board games and extracurricular activities.
Is there something wrong with educating your child? – you would ask. The intention of the parents may seem innocent but it leads to the children no longer wanting anything, as they are overwhelmed by stuff and experiences.
If you are also facing this problem, below please find 4 simple steps that could help you move out of this situation.
1. Agree what pocket money is for.
If you regularly give pocket money to your kid, it is important to agree what this money is for. If you used to buy gifts for the birthday parties of your child‘s friends, agree that from now on these expenses have to be covered by the pocket money that your kid receive.
If you do not give regular pocket money but your child receives irregular income (e.g. during Christmas or his own birthday party), also take some time to agree what this money is for. My suggestion would be to discuss with your kid how much money should be saved (and agree what it is saved for!) and how much money could be spent on entertainment and stuff.
The basic rule is NOT to give money to your kid without defining what it is for. Why? Because this behavior leads to a situation where we continue to buy everything our child needs (and wants) but now the kid has his or her own money without a clear purpose. It reinforces the spoiled behavior in our kids.
2. Stop buying stuff.
This advice sounds simple, but it may not be so easy to implement. If you have bought everything for your child so far, you will have to change your habit and start asking the child to buy the agreed items for his or her own money.
If a child has a certain amount of saved money (often when I start talking to parents about children’s financial literacy, they say that their children have hundreds and sometimes thousands of euros in their saving piggy bank!), it may take a while until that money actually ends. But that day will come. Be patient. And when that day comes, it is important not to make the following mistakes.
3. When your child runs out of money, resist the temptation to give more money.
A word of caution – your children will attack you with 101 arguments why you MUST give them more money, once they run out of their own. It might be difficult to stick to your rules but it is worth it. What we have to understand is that it would be a disservice to your kid if you give more money to him or her. Why?
If we give more money once our children run out of them, we teach them that money never ends. For us it might seem obvious that money is finite, as we have learned that from our experience, but it might not be so crystal clear to our kids.
And once our kids get to experience that parents will not give more money when they want, you might be faced with tantrums, manipulations, blaming and accusing that you do not love them. All you can do – is firmly wait until your child gets used to the new rules.
4. Show your child ways to get what he or she wants.
Now, when your child finally understands that parents are not here to buy everything he or she wants, it‘s time to show him or her tools that could solve this problem.
In other words, we should teach the kid how to save AND how to earn.
This is the last step in the process (and not the first one!), because these tools could be useful only if you kid wants to learn. The first 3 steps are needed in order to make your kid be interested in learning.
Saving could be taught by introducing your kid with a saving plan. Earning could be taught by explaining different ways of earning to your kid – selling used stuff, creating value to neighbours or friends or creating a mini business.
If you have not got it yet, get your free copy of “10 signs you are raising money smart kids” here: